An Open Letter responding to The Devil Talks Back by Fish Obits' Russian Correspondent, Kate C, the concerning Geckos in Orbit, Sex and Death in the Name of Google Ratings, Principles on a Sliding Scale, Inertia, Invasion, and Responsibility to Expose the Horrors.
Dear Mr. S.,
I really feel that you and I can talk openly. I know Robin is having this whole internal conflict over Google Analytics and pandering to improve her blog ratings but I am totally on board with YOUR way of thinking. More sex and death is just what Doctor Google ordered. And when you add geckos in outer space and you have yourself a rocket ship to the top of the ratings heap.
You and I know that once she gets a taste of all that fame and glory we won’t have to listen to her yammering on and on about her principles. Good grief! And with ratings improving, we have the potential here to improve all of society for the better. I’m here to start the proverbial ball rolling.
So Russia recently sent five geckos, four female, one male, on an ill-fated mission into outer space to study sexual reproduction in zero gravity. This is what Russians do when they are not invading the Ukraine? And seriously, four females and a male? From a guy’s point of view, this could possibly be the best science experiment EVER. This could be the best thing that ever happened to humanity and at the same time be pretty darn good for Fish Obituaries’ ratings.
The geckos HAD the potential to be a TOTALLY feel good story. One small step for Geckos, one Big step for Mankind and all that kind of crap. Unfortunately, the “Sex Geckos” had their dreams of greatness cut short, shot-down, oh so very tragically abbreviated.
And, unfortunately, space and death are not strangers. At least astronauts have an idea of what they are getting into when they launch themselves up there. Do you think all the animals that get catapulted out into space get to review and sign disclaimers and waivers that list all the risks they are taking? Those space geckos were just five poor unsuspecting chumps fooled into thinking they were making the world a better place. But they are in good company. Many others have made the Ultimate Sacrifice before them. It’s up to us to expose this horror. And if ratings improve, we won’t complain.
Dr. Google (or Kate C (still working on the amazing, blow-you-away pen name.))
You sacrificed yourselves in the name of science
You are as Big in Heaven as a Crocodile
If you would like to contribute a fish (or reptile) obituary to this blog, please post a comment below with the basics.
Robin McLean also blogs at Mike's Maze