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Succumbing to Modern Life #1

Summer in New Hampshire


The First in a series of short dramatic works by Guest Blogger John McLean, this one concerning Modern Medicine, Modern Aging, Modern Memory, Lost and Found Objects and Artificial Flavorings. (This is the piece that many of you were hoping to hear read this summer at The New York State Writers Institute at Skidmore. Enjoy.

Where is that stuff asked Marsh?
What stuff answered Cindy. You know that jug with the powder in it that we have to mix with water and then you drink it to clear out your bowels so the doctor can completely visualize your insides. Its on the hall table I think said Cindy. Ok. Oh yea here it is said Marsh. We should keep that jug in the kitchen because it will remind us not to forget to mix it up tonight as instructed. By the way, asked Marsh, where the hell are those instructions, we sure as hell better not lose those or we will we be up shit's creek without a paddle because that Doctor's office sure as hell is closed by now, its almost six. What Doctor, asked Cindy. You know, the one on Knoxville that we went to the other day to get everything lined up. What do you mean "lined up" asked Cindy. Well. said Marsh, that is just an expression to mean to get things organized and arranged for the test. What test? Damn it Cindy the colonoscopy. What is that test for anyway asked Cindy? Well, basically, they really thoroughly examine your bowels from the inside with a tiny scope. How do they do that anyway asked Cindy? You don't want to know replied Marsh. OK, said Cindy. But the deal is that you have to get your bowels cleaned out so the inspection with that scope is possible. Well, why wouldn't be OK? asked Cindy. Well, to be frank Cindy they have to get all the shit out of you first and that is why we have to mix that powder with the water, and keep it in the frig all night and then in the morning you start to drink it at intervals and that makes you have diarrhea and this eventually cleans you out. By the way, Cindy where the hell are those instructions? I don't know, Marsh, you had them last. Damn it, damn it, I can never seem to get organized. Oh, here they are in the Hall. What the hell are they in the hall, they need to be in the kitchen where we will be mixing that powder with water. You know you can flavor the mixture with cherry, lime, lemon if you want. Cindy drank some of the mixture and felt it was not all that bad so forget the flavoring deal. Wow, said Cindy, it says here that I have to drink 3 liters of this solution. How much is 3 liters asked Cindy. Twelve 8oz glassfuls answered Marsh. Cindy did not bat an eye about this and did it effortlessly to the surprise of Marsh, because he recalled that when he had had to do this on his last test four years ago, it really made him nauseated. Great Cindy, great, said Marsh. This all was going real smoothly. Cindy finished her last 8 oz glass of the mixture and it was bottoms up and a good report.

If you would like to contribute a fish (or reptile) obituary to this blog, please post a comment below with the basics. DON'T YOU KIND OF REALLY WANT TO?

OR email me at fishobituaries@gmail.com. Robin McLean also blogs at Mike's Maze.
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