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FISH OBITUARIES:an anti-bloggers's blog

THREE BLACK CATS


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For Halloween, a Post on Mystery, this one by Kate C (whose quest for a pen-name has really been needlessly dragging on) concerning the Bewitching Influence of Young Girls, Siblings and Midnight Intrusions, Irrational Hungers and Fears, Animal Domination and, of course, Magic, which Kate is sure does not exist.

I am writing to report upon an extremely mysterious phenomenon occurring in my home. Two of my cats, Kit and Kat, are exhibiting magical powers.

Before I can explain, I must relay relevant Cat History. Kit and Kat are 10 year old sisters. Neither has ever weighed more than ten pounds. Kit is 9.5 pounds; Kat is 9. They are ladylike, dignified, tidy, rarely appear around guests, eat only when hungry. Also they are afraid of many, many things.

Enter Midnight. Midnight arrived 4 years ago at the behest of young Hannah, a frequent weekend guest who convinced me that she needed her OWN cat, since Kit and Kat were afraid of Hannah and her whirling dervish aura and refused, most sensibly, to be around when she was. I let myself be convinced that acquiring a third cat was a fine and reasonable idea.

Midnight, it turns out, is nothing like the sisters. He is LOUD. He is MESSY. He dashes in front of me when I'm walking so I trip over him. He falls down the laundry shoot. He rushes into closets when I have them open for a nanosecond and then is accidentally locked in for the day. And, he eats constantly and he eats everything. He's eaten banana. And sweet potato. Initially, his extraordinary appetite was fascinating and charming, and I would share my chicken with him. This, unfortunately, turned out to be an invitation for him to yowl at me whenever he thought he had a shot at getting my food. Such as when I arrived home. Got up in the morning. Opened the refrigerator. Breathed. Eventually, he'd be at my backside, pushing against me when I sat at the table to eat. From behind me, he'd take a swipe at whatever was on my plate. His weight ballooned up to 19 pounds. The vet said it was time for a DIET.

The diet has proved to be a dubious affair. Due to Midnight's unfortunate proclivity for consuming pretty much everything, the only way to put the Beast on a diet is to put Kit and Kat on the SAME diet. All food bowls were removed except during certain limited periods. Well prior to the diet business, Kit and Kat hated Midnight, for over an entire year after his arrival. Kat still hisses at him anytime they are in close proximity. I think it is fair to say that the Ks did not appreciate the whole diet concept. Kit took to lightly swatting my bare skin with her claws while I slept.

And then one day, the problem was solved. There are three bowls of cat food under the new diet regime, the concept being that if there are less than three, Midnight would interrupt Kit and Kat when they eat their dinner, and they barely tolerate him as it is. One day I forgot to remove the bowls. But I noticed that only one bowl, the bowl to the far right, was emptied. Curious, I added a little food only to the empty bowl and left all three bowls out to see what would happen. Again, only the bowl on the right was emptied. I observed more closely. Piggy Midnight, it turns out, was eating only from the right bowl, even when Kit and Kat were not nearby. Now I can give Midnight a little food every day and leave the sisters' bowls full enough for their separate, ever so dainty needs.

I can only speculate about this highly mysterious chain of events. What transpired? What communications? I myself do not believe in magic. But what else am I to conclude?


Coal-black sisters
Quiet, dignified.
Queens of all they survey.
Midnight.
Unforgivably untidy. Disastrously destructive.
Sisters draw the line.
A little hocus pocus.

RIP


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To see more of Kate's posts find her on the Guest Blogger's Page.


To become a guest blogger yourself, write a Fish Obituary (or reptilian, mammalian, etc.) to me at robinmclean0@gmail.com or comment below.

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