A Blogus Interruptus by Satan's Secrets blogger, Mr. S, on Fish Pleasure, Last Wishes, Google Analytics, Sarah Palin, Buddhism and Acceptance of the Omnipresence of Death.
What all the fuss about the Fish Whoosher? Please people, pick your battles. The Fish Whoosher is one of my best ideas. I love fish. I love sea creatures generally. And don't Fish really love water? Doesn't everyone like a Free Ride? Get a little empathy, people. All you guys need to open your minds.
But what I really want to talk about is PLEASURE. Say we agree for purposes of argument that fish slide The Whoosher to Meet a Knife at the end. Call it the Hole of Demise if you must, name-calling, yes, what have you, fine. But aren't we all sliding down the same metaphysical tunnel, destined for the very same actual ending? Not to a Whole Foods seafood display case, perhaps, not on a bed of ice, with snapper as neighbors. But I know you know what I mean. What I'm saying is, Why not let fish have some fun on the way? And aren't water slides an undeniable blast? Kids like them. Dog also. Bears have been seen sliding on snow. The Whoosher is the fish's last moment of Fun. Who are we to to oppose a Last Wish?
But what I really want to talk about is GOOGLE ANALYTICS. Come on, people. Keep your eye on the ball. Fish slides and tunnels clearly boost ratings. You can Google this fact and find it's a fact. Case in Point: I remember an analogous situation: that stunt I pulled on Sarah Palin during the election, when I set it up for her to "pardon" that turkey on Thanksgiving . What a mess she found herself in! "Disaster" would certainly be the "word." Yes, she looked so silly, callous and uncaring in the video... all that embarrassing slaughter in the background. She might have paid much to cancel that interview. I almost felt sorry for her myself. But think of all the FREE MEDIA she got. Millions hits on YouTube. And she did look cute in her coat. Think how much money she made on book sales. What I'm saying is that the CONTENT of these complex videos (like The Whoosher) can be debatable as to MEANING. But ambiguous CONTENT will not sink you these days. But bottom line #1: Death is great for Ratings. Bottom line #2: GOOGLE RATINGS do not LIE. Bottom Line #3, I have friends in high places at Google who say Fish Obits is trending upward. Making a Move to the front of The Pack. Investors are lining up. What I'm trying to say is, Don't back away from controversy in blogging.
But what I really want to talk about is BUDDHISM. Come on. I'm sure there are Buddhists who eat fish secretly. When I say I'm sure, what I mean is I KNOW. I don't have to Google it. And given the flaws and secret sins of Buddhists, I'm saying you regular sinners need accept yourselves more. Love yourselves and love your choices. Because they are yours and you are you. You made the dams and They Were Good. Now you have The Whooshers to fix the dams. Rejoice! Kara is right:Disaster IS the Mother of Invention and The Invention is Good.
It is All Good, is what I'm trying to make you see.
In conclusion (in a whisper):
Accept Your World.
Accept Your Genius will Overcome
All The Most Perplexing Unsolvable Problems.
Accept Your Life and Death and Eat Eat Eat.
Get Religion. Meditate.
Accept The Whoosher.
If you would like to contribute a fish (or reptile) obituary to this blog, please post a comment below with the basics.
Robin McLean also blogs at Mike's Maze.