“Robin McLean’s Reptile House introduces us to a debut author of audacious originality." -- Peter Connors, BOA Editions.

OLDER FISH OBITS

ALTER EGO ? WHO IS THAT FACELESS ONE?

THE DRUM /​ THE MUSE /​ THE CRIMINAL

LOOSE IN BOSTON

GRUB GONE DRAG /​ COLUM MCCANN

REPTILE HOUSE IN PLYMOUTH

I LOVE BURLINGTON

REPTILE HOUSE MEETS PARIS REVIEW

BACK ON THE TRAIL -- NYC

BRIDGE EIGHT

WHITE BRAS ONLY

THANKS MOUNT HOLYOKE (AGAIN)

SIDEWINDER BLOG POST #18: LAST STOP: BIG CARBON FOOTPRINT

SIDEWINDER BLOG POST #17.8: LONG LONG LONG LONG ROAD

SIDEWINDER BLOG POST #17.7: SERENDIPITY in JAYHAWK COUNTRY

SIDEWINDER BLOG POST #17.5: NEXT EXIT -- KANSAS

SIDEWINDER BLOG POST #17: BEARTOOTH, WYOMING and OUT OF MIND

SIDEWINDER BLOG POST #16.6: MONTANA FOR A HAT

SIDEWINDER BLOG POST #16.5: LOST HORSE in SANDPOINT, IDAHO

SIDEWINDER BLOG POST #16.4: A GOOD CAMPGROUND IS HARD TO FIND

SIDEWINDER BLOG POST #16.3: REPTILE HOUSE KICKS HARPER LEE'S BUTT

SIDEWINDER BLOG POST #16.2: PIRATES

SIDEWINDER BLOG POST #16.1: DETOUR #1 -- DECATUR ISLAND, WA.

SIDEWINDER BLOG POST #16: SOUTHWARD

SIDEWINDER BLOG POST #15.9: CHICK RESCUE -- PALMER, ALASKA

REPTILE HOUSE MAKES THE FRONT PAGE

SIDEWINDER BLOG POST #15.7: DENALI FOR REAL THIS TIME

SIDEWINDER BLOG POST #15.6: HOT WATER AND WIDE AWAKE

SIDEWINDER BLOG POST #15.5: THANK YOU FAA

SIDEWINDER BLOG POST #15.4: NORTH POLE

SIDEWINDER BLOG POST #15.3: GLORIOUS DENALI

SIDEWINDER BLOG POST #15.2: FAIRBANKS

SIDEWINDER BLOG POST #15.1: ANCHORAGE

SIDEWINDER BLOG POST #15: SHORT CUT: ALASKA

SIDEWINDER BLOG POST #14..9999: CHIHULY and SPACE NEEDLES

SIDEWINDER BLOG POST #14..92: ON THE DECKS OF SHIPS (REDUX)

SIDEWINDER BLOG POST #14.9.5: ON THE DECKS OF SHIPS

MARY LYON WOULD BE PROUD

SIDEWINDER BLOG POST #14.5.9.1: POETS AND SPACE NEEDLES

SIDEWINDER BLOG POST #14.5.9: SOLITARY PEAK

SIDEWINDER BLOG POST #14.5: SEATTLE BY WAY OF MT. HOOD

SIDEWINDER BLOG POST #14.2: LATE NIGHT LIBRARY: THANKS FOR THE INTERVIEW

SIDEWINDER BLOG POST #14.1: INLAND AND NORTH

SIDEWINDER BLOG POST #14: AVENUE OF THE GIANTS

SIDEWINDER BLOG POST #13. 9: LIGHT

SIDEWINDER BLOG POST #13. 8: TO THE GREAT NORTHWEST

NEW HAMPSHIRE PUBLIC RADIO! THANK YOU PETER BIELLO!

SIDEWINDER BLOG POST #13. 5: SAN FRANCISCO and NORTH

SIDEWINDER BLOG POST #13.1: DONKEY

SIDEWINDER BLOG POST #13: CALIFORNIA CAN WAIT

BOOK REVIEW: “Unnatural, unprecedented, as far as we know.”

SIDEWINDER BLOG POST #12.9.6: SUMMITS AND CARAVANS

SIDEWINDER BLOG POST #12.9.5: NAVADA HWY 50: THE LONELIEST ROAD

SIDEWINDER BLOG POST #12.9: THE NEXT GENERATION TAKES THE WHEEL

SIDEWINDER BLOG POST #12.8: GRAND MESA = BUGS

SIDEWINDER BLOG POST #12.7: CAMPING #1

SIDEWINDER BLOG POST #12.6: REPTILE HOUSE GOES TO 12,000 FEET

SIDEWINDER BLOG POST #12.5: RH ROAD TEAM DOUBLES

SIDEWINDER BLOG POST #12.4: 10 THINGS TO DO IN BOULDER WITH A COSMONAUT

SIDEWINDER BLOG POST #12.4: 10 THINGS TO DO IN BOULDER WITH A COSMONAUT

SIDEWINDER BLOG POST #12.3: MOOSE WELCOMES REPTILE HOUSE TO BOULDER

SIDEWINDER BLOG POST #12.2: SANTA FE TRAIL

SIDEWINDER BLOG POST #12.1: ONWARD NORTH

SIDEWINDER BLOG POST #12: BREAKDOWN

SIDEWINDER BLOG POST #11.9: PASSENGER #1

SIDEWINDER BLOG POST #11.8.9: GRATITUDE BREAK

SIDEWINDER BLOG POST #11.8: SUN, RAIN, EL PASO

SIDEWINDER BLOG POST #11.7: THE ALAMO

SIDEWINDER BLOG POST #11.6.5: TEXAS: BUDA

SIDEWINDER BLOG POST #11.6: TEXAS: CHISHOLM TRAIL #2

SIDEWINDER BLOG POST #11.5: TEXAS: CHISHOLM TRAIL #1

SIDEWINDER BLOG POST #11.4: TEXAS MODERN

SIDEWINDER BLOG POST #11.3: WILD DETECTIVES

SIDEWINDER BLOG POST #11.2: MHC DALLAS

SIDEWINDER BLOG POST #11.1: TEXAS: THE GRASSY KNOLL

SIDEWINDER BLOG POST #11: TEXAS /​ PART I

SIDEWINDER BLOG POST #10.5: TRIP MAP #1

SIDEWINDER BLOG POST #10: IOWA CITY /​ BOOK OASIS

SIDEWINDER BLOG POST #9.5: BACK EAST (ALMOST)

SIDEWINDER BLOG POST #9: SKYLIGHT /​ GET A DAMN TICKET

SIDEWINDER BLOG POST #8.3: DERAILMENT & RERAILMENT: CANINE AGILITY

SIDEWINDER BLOG POST #8: SIRENLAND REUNION

SIDEWINDER BLOG POST #7.999: REPTILE HOUSE TAKES TO THE AIR

TOUR BLOG POST 7.5: MHC HARTFORD

TWO NEW INTERVIEWS: Thanks BOA

SIDEWINDER BLOG POST #7: HARVARD BOOK STORE

CUT OFF THE COVER AND READ IT: an INTERVIEW

TOUR BLOG POST #6: THE EPICENTER

SIDEWINDER TOUR BLOG POST #5 /​ MYSTIC

TOUR BLOG POST #4 /​ SOUTH HADLEY WITH JIM SHEPARD

TOUR BLOG POST #3 /​ AMHERST LAUNCH

TOUR BLOG POST #2 /​ BOSTON

TOUR BLOG POST #1 /​MINNEAPOLIS

THIS WINTER IS MAKING ME CRANKY

NEWS FLASH: REPTILE HOUSE HAS ARRIVED





FISH OBITUARIES:an anti-bloggers's blog

ZOMBIE INVASION

September 27, 2014

Can Zombie's have an Obit?

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What Fish Obits editors do at night....

DISPATCH SUNDERLAND/ CAPTAIN DJ WELLMAN REPORTING VIA MORSE CODE SINCE ZOMBIES CUT SATELLITE LINK/ RADIOS ALSO DOWN/ WE ARE ENCAMPED IN SWAMPLAND NEAR MIKE'S MAZE/ MONITORING ZOMBIE HORDE ON RIVER BANK AT WARNERVILLE/ THE TOWN IS DESTROYED/ ZOMBIES FEASTING IN GRAVEYARD/ TOWN DUMP/ FARMS / HOMESTEADS/ EXTREMELY HIDEOUS AGGRESSIVE SLATHERING VERY HUNGRY/ LARGER SWARMS ARRIVING NIGHTLY FROM POINTS NORTH ALONG EAST SIDE OF CONNECTICUT/ HAVE TAKEN ALL RESIDENTS IN THEIR PATH/ HORRIBLE CARNAGE/ SCIENTISTS SENT OUT WITH SIRUM HAVE ONLY ADDED TO THEIR NUMBER/ APPEAR TO BE BUILDING BRIDGE OF THE DEAD/ MUST PREVENT A CROSSING FOR AGGRESSION WESTWARD/ WE MUST HAVE NIGHT PATROL/ REPEAT/ MUST HAVE MIGHT PATROL/ TRANSPORTS READIED FOR NIGHT MISSION AT 19.00 TONIGHT/ SEND BEST SHARP SHOOTERS ONLY/ SEND BRAVEST ONLY/ SEND THOSE WHO CARE FOR THE FUTURE OF OUR WORLD / CPT JD WELLMAN (more…)

THE RED BOOK

September 20, 2014

THE MISSING TEXT?

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The First in a Series of Book Hunt posts, this one by Margaret, a Librarian in Fairbanks and North Pole Alaska, concerning Imaginary Customers, Inter-generational Rivalry, Red Books, the Almost-Completely True v. the Not-Entirely False, Horses as Compelling Even in the Digital Age, the Vagueness of Youth v. Approximated Recollections, the Power of Lunar Cycles, and the Joy of Finding Lost Objects.

So, as library employees, we often joke about the fictitious patron who comes in and asks for that book that's green and is about trees, or whatever exaggeratedly vague description you like. Well, yesterday it really happened to me up here in North Pole, AK. A tween girl came up to the desk and asked if we had a book that she'd read before that was red. (I was not the most successful in containing my amusement. A smirk emerged, but only the slightest of snorts escaped.) She continued that it was about horses and was something like "Horse Gentler". My co-worker and I both jumped on it, (more…)

DANGEROUS DISPATCH FROM ATLANTIC SHORES #1

September 18, 2014

We Are Warned

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The First in a Series of Sea Creature Obituaries by the elusive Kate C concerning Gourmet Lunches, the Lack of Perks for Guest Bloggers, the Under-Representation of Guest Bloggers at Staff Meetings, Expenses Run Rampant, Bankruptcy, the Eating Habits of Large Aquatic Predators, Kayaks as Snacks, and Fear of Death.

Dear Robin,

In response to your Fish Obituaries' lunch meeting--a meeting (1) to which I was not invited, and (2) in which the amount of discussion about lunch roughly equaled the amount of discussion about blog ratings--I propose that you increase your focus on hot topics in the news. (I have to ask, was the lunch paid for out of blog income? I sincerely hope not. As a bankruptcy lawyer, I can just see where this is going.)

In my hometown of Scituate, we are in the throes of a crisis. A great white shark has possibly been spotted just off of our shores, (more…)

OBITS LUNCH MEETING #1

September 17, 2014

LUNCHTIME at FISH OBITS

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The First in a Series of Fish Obits Staff Lunch Meetings, notes taken by Cousin Rob, as well as Margaret, and Robin concerning Google Searches and Supremacy, Lofty Goals and Deep Disappointments, Inter-state Rivalry , Vegetarianism, Soy Milk, Germs, The Omnipresence of Death, and Arriving at a Meeting of the Minds.

Rob: So #1 on the Agenda is Fish Obits' Google Ratings fluctuations. We all know the goal. The Good News: we made it to the #1 slot for the Google Search Term, "Fish Obituaries."

Margaret: Fantastic. But I always thought we were #1 anyway. Who cares about Google? Who made them Queen for a day? Ok, everyone, here are the sandwiches. (more…)

ALMOST COMPLETELY NOT FICTION / FARM STORY #1

September 15, 2014

PETTING ZOO ESCAPEE

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The First in a Series of Farm Stories relating to Corn Fields, Innate Self-knowledge, Farm Boys, Lost and Found Objects,Fast Food as Absolutely Delicious, Make-shift Corrals, the Satisfactions of Instinct and the Love of Privacy:

1. Rosie, the Australia cattle dog, and Pearl, the mostly-always-dirty mid-western mutt, were walking through Mike's Maze on Saturday morning, well before the Public arrived for a day of fun in the sun in a cornfield. Their handler/ dog walker had not realized that the 10+ members of Mike's Petting Zoo had been dropped off and penned at Mike's Farm Yard the night before, under the veil of darkness: a gang of tiny newly-shorn lambs, several fat sheep, a few bearded goats, a shaggy pony and one Huge Texas Longhorn. (more…)

RODENTS IN THE MILLIONS / BIG APPLE DISPATCH

September 11, 2014

MAMA RAT caring lovingly for RAT BABY

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The SECOND in a Series of Rodent Obits. (We expect another from Debbie soon since she knows which one I mean) this one by the mysterious Kate C (who still has not found a pen name) CONCERNING CONFLICT: the Joys v. Perils of New York City, Natural v. Unnatural Deaths, Cockroaches v. Rats, Mice v. Cats, Traps v. Garbage v. Overpopulation, Los Angeles v. The Big Apple , Afterlife v. Reincarnation, and "Everything is just Fine" v. "What's Wrong with People?"

It is with great alarm that I write to report an extremely serious problem happening even as we speak in New York City. There are rats in my son’s apartment. (There is apparently no point in even mentioning the cockroaches, which, I am informed, pale in comparison to rats. Until now, I was unaware of there were degrees of difference between rats and cockroaches on the scale of disgusting things.) The landlord was notified. (more…)

FAIRBANKS CHIMES IN

September 9, 2014

Harvest Moon Making Trouble

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A long awaited post from Original Fish Obits editor Margaret Eagleton, a librarian in Fairbanks, Alaska, (yes, some knew Sarah Palin when she was banning books) concerning Adoptions, Renewals, Lost, Found and Damaged Objects, Crank Calls, Starvation, Stand-offs, Lock-downs, Meeting Etiquette, Sudden Blindness and Full Moons.

At work today nearly every odd thing one can imagine walked in the door. Adopt-an-author payment, non-resident card renewal, partial payment on a bill, damaged item payment, lost item payment, a couple of Spanish speakers trying to get a new card with an address problem, a guy who left his cell phone somewhere and he kept borrowing the phone calling it only to find that it went straight to voice mail (more…)

REPTILES IN SPACE #1

September 9, 2014

REPTILES IN FLIGHT: "All geckos, unfortunately, died." -- Roscosmos, Russian Space Agency

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An Open Letter responding to The Devil Talks Back by Fish Obits' Russian Correspondent, Kate C, the concerning Geckos in Orbit, Sex and Death in the Name of Google Ratings, Principles on a Sliding Scale, Inertia, Invasion, and Responsibility to Expose the Horrors.

Dear Mr. S.,

I really feel that you and I can talk openly. I know Robin is having this whole internal conflict over Google Analytics and pandering to improve her blog ratings but I am totally on board with YOUR way of thinking. More sex and death is just what Doctor Google ordered. And when you add geckos in outer space and you have yourself a rocket ship to the top of the ratings heap. (more…)

INANIMATE OBIT #1/ THE CANE / YOUNG TALENT

September 8, 2014

Where could it be? Photo by Michael Carolan

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The first in a Series of Young Genius Posts, this one by Sophie M/C concerning Impersonation of the Elderly, Lost and Found Objects, Blabber-mouth Sisters, Grief, Apologies, as wells as The Omnipresence of Death, and Looking Toward the Future.

This summer when I went to New Hampshire I had my uncle widdle me a cane. My cousin Johnathan and I played old people together. He’d say things like “Margret, have you been snack’n on them grahm crackers again?” And then I’d say stuff like “I’ve gotta run to the store and get some of them painkillers.” We had so much fun together. I took my little cane everywhere I went. (more…)

RUN RUN RUN / BAD DOG #151

September 6, 2014

RONNY before he turned BAD. Photo by Rob McLean

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A random selection from the deluge of BAD DOG stories that have been pouring onto the Fish Obits desk, this one by Cousin Rob , a frequent and vital editor/contributor with a European perspective, concerning The Persistent Desire to Roam Free, the Persistent Desire to Prevent Others from Exercising the Persistent Desire, Missions Accomplished, DNA, Denial as to Rabbits, and Corn Fields.

My dog's name (until further notice) is Ronny. He's a year old now. He's really fast. By “really fast”, what I mean to say is that I can't bike faster than he can run. By “I can't bike faster than he can run” what I mean to say is that I can't do it safely. He is a herding dog (Australian shepherd) and apparently, 86% of their DNA is focused on Not Allowing Breakaways. In other words, their goal in life is to smother the Persistent Desire to Roam Free. This includes bikes that have their owners on it. (more…)

ARREST IN THE MID-WEST / CANINE CRIME #1

September 4, 2014

PEACE OFFICERS

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The First in a Series of arrest posts, this one reported by Guest blogger John McLean concerning Bad Dogs, Hard-to-Read Pet Identification Tags, Officer Friendly, Leniency, the Futility of Incarceration, and the Persistent Desire to Roam Free.

Police report Peoria Ill afternoon 3 Sept 14 Call comes in "This the Peoria Police Dept calling asking you if you have a dog named "Colby." Yes I say why do you ask? Well, replies the officer, because he is "under arrest." What are you talking about I reply. Well, he says we just picked him (more…)

CRIME STORY #1 / CRIME PAYS / ESCAPE FROM CERTAIN DEATH

September 3, 2014

Midnight on Leash

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The First in a Series of Crime Stories by secret guest blogger, Kate C (Advocate of Cats in the Blogosphere who is till looking for the perfect pen-name) concerning Statutes of Limitations, Crime and its affect on Cat Longevity, Perils of Vermont, Glasscutters, Early-morning Crimes of Necessity, and Occasional Happy Endings.

Dear Robin,
I can only speak to you about this matter openly because the statute of limitations has passed. I don’t want you to leave you with the impression that all the cats in my life have died prematurely. Young Skinny Cat, for example, was once an unwitting participant in a crime of passion, but she recovered nicely and went on to live a full cat life, unlike her poor brother Fat Cat.

We were on one of many family road trips; heading for a week-long confab with our cousins in Southern Vermont. I was 14. Normal people bring their dogs with them on vacation. (more…)

SATAN'S SECRETS #666/ A PERSUASION

September 2, 2014

LUCIFER in FLIGHT

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A Blogus Interruptus by Satan's Secrets blogger, Mr. S, on Fish Pleasure, Last Wishes, Google Analytics, Sarah Palin, Buddhism and Acceptance of the Omnipresence of Death.

Dear Friends,

What all the fuss about the Fish Whoosher? Please people, pick your battles. The Fish Whoosher is one of my best ideas. I love fish. I love sea creatures generally. And don't Fish really love water? Doesn't everyone like a Free Ride? Get a little empathy, people. All you guys need to open your minds.

But what I really want to talk about is PLEASURE. (more…)

FISH WHOOSHER /PROVOKING FISH VIDEO LINK #1

September 1, 2014

FISH IN THE MACHINE

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This just in from Novelist, Kara Lindstrom, a Video on Innovations in Fish Transport, Water Slides to Spawning and/or Slaughter, Modern Technology as Savior and Satan, or as Kara says, "Disaster is the Mother of Invention." This Fish Obit speaks for itself.

LINK TO WHOOSHER VIDEO

LINK TO WHOOSHER ARTICLE

Good thing? Bad thing? Please comment. Let's converse. In the meantime: (more…)